Institutionalized Koopalings
by CosmicKitten89
Summary: Mr. Jugem calls CPS, Bowser loses custody of the Koopalings, and they are sent to Happy Homes Children's Center.  Serious stuff, but plenty of laughs!
1. Don't Tell!

**For some reason, I was unable to publish under the Mario category, so I had to ask Tiana Koopa to publish this story. But I recently found out that whatever glitch that was preventing my Mario stories from being published is gone, so I republished this under my name, and you can expect my future Mario publications to come under my name:)**

**(Disclaimer: I do not own Bowser, Lakitu, or the Koopalings, or the Mario Party series, which is the source of inspiration for Bowser's punishments).**

Mr. Jugem the Lakitu was doing his job as administrator at Mushroom Kingdom Academy by hovering around the campus at lunchtime, looking for students to get in trouble. His favorite targets were, of course, the Koopalings.

Mr. Jugem floated around the lunch line at the cafeteria, where he saw Ludwig piling his lunch tray with French fries and chocolate chip cookies. Mr. Jugem took a pair of tongs, selected a piece of broccoli, and placed it onto Ludwig's tray.

"Try a veggie for once, Mister Koopa."

_Yeah, right_, Ludwig thought. He threw the vegetable away as soon as Mr. Jugem was out of sight.

Roy had been bullying a nerdy-looking Toad for his lunch money, but as soon as he saw Mr. Jugem in the schoolyard he quickly straightened up, undid the Toad's wedgie and gave him his lunch money back.

"No public displays of affection, Mr. Koopa," Mr. Jugem said to Larry, who had been kissing a girl whose skirt he had been trying to get into for the past week. "If I see you doing that during school hours one more time, Mr. Koopa, you will receive a Saturday detention.

_Shit_, Larry thought, but he didn't dare say it out loud, for Morton had gotten several demerits for cussing from being forced by Mr. Jugem to read books that he didn't like.

Iggy and Lemmy were fighting over a piece of pizza next to a trash can.

"So, we're having pizza today," Mr. Jugem said. Each of the twins had satisfied himself by then with half of the piece of pizza.

"Yep", said Lemmy with his mouth full.

"I thought you had already finished your pizza. You haven't been begging other students for pizza, have you?"

"No," said Iggy.

"We didn't get it out of the trash either," said Lemmy.

"We found it on the ground," said Iggy.

"And are you supposed to be eating food off the ground, Mr. Koopa?"

"Um…"

"Would your father be pleased that you were eating off the ground?"

"King Dad doesn't have to know," said Lemmy.

"Please don't tell King Dad!" shouted Iggy. "If you tell him, he will lock us in the dungeon and make us play Dizzy Rotisserie!"

"That's when he puts us in a cage, spins us around until we get really dizzy, and if we don't make it out of the dungeon on time, we get roasted!" said Lemmy.

"Roasted, huh?" Mr. Jugem shook his head. He hovered on over to the office, where he saw Wendy receiving a prize she had won at yesterday's Wednesday prize drawing.

Wendy's wide eyes narrowed when she saw the picture frame, thinly disguised by a transparent pink wrapper, that she had won.

"Here's a hint: you can hang it up on the wall-" said the lady Paratroopa who handed it to her.

"That's it? A stupid lousy picture frame? I WANTED THE ICE CREAM COUPON!"

Wendy threw the picture frame in rage, injuring the Paratroopa's hand.

"But sweetie, somebody else won the ice cream coupon!"

"I DON'T CARE! I WANT IT I WANT IT!" Wendy got on the floor and banged her fists up and down.

The Paratroopa sighed. "Here, you can have the ice cream coupon, and the student who won the ice cream coupon can have your picture frame."

"Thank you," Wendy said, her temper tantrum suddenly over.

Wendy pranced outside, ready to trade in her ice cream coupon at the cafeteria. Mr. Jugem approached her seemingly out of thin air.

"I saw what you did in the office, Miss Koopa. You don't deserve that coupon. Throw it away, right now."

"What? NO!"

Mr. Jugem fought the coupon away from Wendy, ripped it in half, and threw it away. "And you're also receiving lunch detention for a week for what you did to that poor lady in the office. And I'm calling your father."

"WHAT? NO! DON'T TELL KING DADDY!"

She started sobbing for real. "L-last time I got in trouble King D-d-addy t-t-took my allowance away, l-locked me in my room, and p-p-put me in the dungeon to play Scaldin' Cauldron…"

"Scaldin' Cauldron?" Mr. Jugem asked. It did not sound like an appropriate punishment, even for a child as bratty as Wendy.

"That's when he has me hide in one of three cauldrons, and then they get shuffled, and then he breathes fire on one of the cauldrons!"

"You don't look like you've been burnt…"

"Koopas are resistant to being burnt. But the fire still hurts… A-and then he made me play Rain of Fire… That's when-"

Mr. Jugem was not interested in hearing what Rain of Fire was about. He had heard enough. King Bowser Koopa was obviously an abusive parent. No wonder his children acted out! Obviously, something had to be done…


	2. Camp

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Koopalings or any of the other Mario canon characters.**

"That dude creeps me out," Morton said to Roy, referring to Mr. Jugem, who was floating overhead, staring at who knows what through his dark sunglasses, talking on his black walkie-talkie-looking cell phone. "I mean, he's always on the phone. He uses it more often than Sis does."

"Yeah," said Roy. "You got any idea who or what he's talkin' to or about?"

"Not a clue. Hopefully not to King Dad about us!"

At the end of the day, Ludwig, as always, left his Advanced Placement Chemistry classroom to head to the Special Ed room to escort Iggy and Lemmy to the bus stop. As the seven Koopalings waited for the bus to arrive, a shiny white van rolled up. A Lakitu, similar to Mr. Jugem but female, was at the wheel.

"Would you seven happen to be Ludwig, Roy, Wendy, Morton, Larry, Lemmy and Iggy Koopa?"

Bowser Jr. was in the back seat. "Yep, they're my bros and my sis!"

"All right, into the car."

"We are not allowed to accept rides from strangers," said Ludwig, holding tightly to Iggy's and Lemmy's hands as they tried to run in.

"I have strict orders to escort you from school today," the Lakitu went on.

"She's takin' us to camp!" said Bowser Jr. "We're going to have fun!"

"Is that what she told you?" said Ludwig skeptically. Iggy and Lemmy were squirming to get out of his grip and head into the car to go to camp.

Wendy was the first to whip out her cell phone. "King Daddy…? There's this lady at the school, and she wants us to get in the car with her. She's got Junior in the back seat."

"Just go," Bowser said.

"Why? Where is she taking us?" Wendy asked, worried.

"Don't ask questions. Just get in the car." Wendy hoped that she had imagined the tone of resignation in his voice; he sounded as though he were trying to hide feelings of fear or despair.

"King Daddy says get in the car," Wendy said, still nervous.

The Koopalings hesitantly seated themselves in the car, with the exceptions of Iggy and Lemmy, who were all too excited to go to "camp".

"I demand to know where you're taking us!" demanded Ludwig.

"Camp! Camp! We're going to camp!" chanted the three youngest Koopalings.

The lady didn't say a word during the entire car ride. The car stopped at a parking lot surrounded by palm trees and two-story buildings, the one at the front labeled "Happy Homes Childrens' Center".

"Ch-ch-childrens' center, huh?" asked Wendy. "L-like a daycare or a boys' and girls' club, right?"

"Yay! We're at camp!" shouted Iggy, Lemmy and Junior.

"We're not at camp, you dumbasses!" shouted Morton. "We're at a fucking ORPHANAGE!"

"We received some complaints about your living situation," said the lady, who was now clearly a social worker. "We were told that your father punishes you by burning you with fire and locking you in the dungeon."

"DUNGEON? HOW ABOUT THIS DUNGEON!" shouted Morton. "I'VE GOT PLENTY OF COMPLAINTS ABOUT THIS LIVING SITUATION!"

"Calm down. You will be much happier and safer here."

The Koopalings cried and resisted, even the younger ones, who were just mimicking the older ones, not understanding what was going on. The social worker made a call with her cell phone, and a pair of Sledge Brothers came out to drag the Koopalings inside.

The Koopalings were first taken to a doctor's office. Iggy, Lemmy and Junior began to cry, thinking that they were going to get shots. The children were weighed, and paperwork was filled out. Then the Koopalings' possessions were confiscated – their cell phones (Wendy threw a fit when it came to this), their iPods, and everything else they carried in their shells. Roy, Morton and Larry swallowed the marijuana packets they had been carrying to avoid detection. The Koopalings were then escorted to a courtyard, where each of them was assigned to a cottage.

"Junior will be escorted to the Toddlers' cottage. Iggy and Lemmy shall go to the Latency cottage. Wendy, you go to the Teen Girls' cottage. The rest of you are assigned to the Teen Boys' cottage."

"Hey, at least we're still together," said Larry to Ludwig, Roy and Morton, though somewhat halfheartedly.

The foremost thing that was on Roy's mind was to puke up his weed packet and lighter so he could smoke a joint to make him forget about this situation.


	3. Cafeteria

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Koopalings. They are property of Nintendo.**

**Their roommates, however, are of my own creation.**

The cottages on the property were the Babies' cottage, the Toddlers' cottage (which had a playpen full of Playskool toys right outside), a Latency cottage (Latency being the age between toddlerhood and puberty) the Junior Girls' and Junior Boys' cottages ("Junior" here being a moniker for tween or preteen) and the Teen Girls' and Teen Boys' cottages.

The Teen Boys' cottage where Ludwig, Roy, Morton and Larry were sentenced to was the farthest away from the front office. Inside, there were a load of rowdy boys roughhousing, swearing, watching TV on a big plasma screen, eating ice cream out of Styrofoam bowls, and arguing with their assigned staff.

The four eldest Koopa boys were ordered to sit on the couches in front of the TV. Ludwig tuned it out; it was mindless MTV garbage. Larry, Morton, and Roy, however, were pissed when the staff shut the TV off at the best part to make the boys line up for dinner at the cafeteria.

The cafeteria looked just like a school cafeteria, but the food was even more atrocious. Today's menu included mushy spaghetti, "hamburgers" whose patties had a funny texture and smell and were probably not even made of meat, soggy brown vegetables, and brownies.

Ludwig skipped the rest of the horrible shit and went straight for the brownie. After a few chews, he was hit by the horrible potting soil flavor. He spat it out on his spaghetti.

"Do these nincompoops not realize that aspartame does not survive the baking process!" he shouted.

"Tell me about it!" shouted Morton. "This food is total SHIT!"

But even Morton's loud voice was drowned out by a female temper tantrum on the other side of the cafeteria.

The teen girls were also in the cafeteria, and Wendy was sobbing harder than when she didn't get the ice cream coupon.

"I WANT PIZZA! I WANT IT NOW! NOT THIS SHIT! AND I WANT CHOCOLATE COATED COCKROACHES, NOT THIS BROWNIE THAT TASTES LIKE DIRT!"

Wendy threw the brownie across the cafeteria and banged and stomped on the cafeteria table. A couple of Shy Guy staff grabbed hold of her and restrained her against the wall. Wendy screamed and screamed throughout the entire dinner hour.

When they returned to their cottage, the boys were each assigned a room.

"Can we each have our own room?" asked Larry.

"I'm sorry, but we do not have enough bedrooms for every child to have his own room," said the staff.

"Well, we can be roommates with each other, right?" Larry asked.

"No, you will each be roomed with somebody else. That way you can all make new friends."

_New friends. Not likely,_ Ludwig thought. Why would a sophisticated and exceptionally intelligent royal such as himself befriend orphaned commoner trash?

Ludwig was escorted to a room where he was greeted by a Koopa wearing overalls and a country hat. _Nice. I'm rooming with this hayseed._

"Howdy, new roomie!" he shouted in his country bumpkin accent. "My name is Jimmy-Bob! What's yers?"

Ludwig cleared his throat. "Ahem – My name is Prince Ludwig Von Koopa, heir to the throne, future King of Darkland."

Jimmy-Bob scratched his head. "Prince Ludwig, huh? That's a smidge too fancy fer me. D'ya have a nickname?"

Ludwig sighed. "Sometimes I go by Kooky…"

"Pleasure t'meet ya, Kooky!" Jimmy-Bob hugged Ludwig. "We all are gonna be best friends!"

**You will find out about the other roommates in the next chapter!**

**Also, if you like Kooky Von Koopa, check out the poll on my profile!**


	4. Roomies

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters asides from the roommates.**

Larry's roommate was also a Koopa, one that looked young for his age.

"Hiya, my name's Bigmouth," he said.

"Hey, wait a minute… That's my brother Morton's nickname!" said Larry.

"Well, that's what everybody here calls me," Bigmouth said. "They also call me Tattletale, Tattler, Fink, Ratfink, Stool Pigeon…"

"How about I call you Fink?" Larry suggested, uneasy with his roommate's reputation.

"Works for me." the Koopa said.

Larry said, "Um, if you don't mind, I have to use the bathroom right now."

There were eight bathrooms in the cottage, and Larry headed to the nearest one. The bathroom, a temple of public-grade sanitation, had no bathtub, only a shower with a bench like a gym shower. Larry stuck his finger down his throat and began to puke up his weed packet, joint wrappers and lighter.

Larry had no idea that Fink had his ear up to the bathroom door.

"Mr. Guy! Mr. Guy!" Fink called, referring to his assigned staff for the day. "Larry's got bulimia!"

Larry jumped when he heard the staff banging on the door. He quickly hid the former contents of his belly into his shell.

The staff, a Shy Guy, opened the door. "I was told that you were in here purging," Mr. Guy said. "You shouldn't do that. Purging, though rarer in young men than in young ladies, is a very unhealthy and self-destructive habit."

"What the f…?" Larry was stunned. "…I'm not purging! I'm just um…gulp… sick from that bad cafeteria food. I'm used to being served by the finest chefs this kingdom has to offer, and this prison-grade food doesn't agree with me."

"Why not? It's very healthy and nutritionally balanced for young Koopas," Mr. Guy assured him.

"But, uh, I'm not used to it."

"You have plenty of time to get used to it."

"Uh, exactly how much time?" Larry asked Fink.

"I've been here for six months!" Fink shouted.

"S-six months?"

"Twice!"

"_Twice?"_ Larry's face turned pale. "Um, if you don't mind, I need to puke in privacy…"

Mr. Guy and Fink left Larry to puke in privacy. This time, Larry didn't need to play with his uvula to trigger himself to vomit.

Larry was in the middle of smoking a joint when Mr. Guy burst in again, this time holding a towel and small paper cups of soap and shampoo.

"It's time for your shower, Larry."

Larry jumped and quickly swallowed the joint, burning his tongue in the process.

"B-but I showered last night!"

"Well, around here, we shower every night!"

Larry smelled the cheap shampoo. "Hey, don't you have Paul Mitchell? My Mohawk requires only the best hair-care products."

Mr. Guy laughed gently. "What do you think this is, the Chillton Hotel?"

"For your information, I own the Chillton Hotel!" Larry shouted.

"Hey, why does it smell like marijuana in here?" Mr. Guy asked.

_Shit, how does he even smell without a nose?_ Larry wondered. "Um, I accidentally swallowed some weed this morning, when I was still at home, and I puked it up and breathed fire on it."

Mr. Guy tut-tutted. "No wonder you were puking. Marijuana… It's a good thing you're out of that environment. Take your shower and scrub the marijuana smell off.

_Whew._ Larry sniffed the sour milk-smelling, starchy towel in distaste. _What did I do to deserve this?_

Meanwhile, Morton had just gotten out of the shower. He was crying and covering his face. "Face paint! I need face paint!"

"You can borrow my eyeliner," said his roommate Freddie, a Koopa with a black Mohawk wearing lipstick and face powder in addition to the contents of the black tube he was handing Morton.

How ironic. Morton was always shouting about how GAY everything, including this place, was, and he had always been the most homophobic of his siblings, and now he was stuck with a gay roommate!

Roy's roommate was a hippie monk. It irritated Roy to no end how he could sit there in a yoga posture and say "Ohhhhmmmm…." endlessly without paying a speck of attention to Roy's insults.

"Fag! Gook! Pothead! Yogie!" But Yogie continued to meditate as though Roy did not exist.

Seeing that verbal bullying was ineffective, Roy resorted to the physical sort. He aimed a swift kick at Yogie, but he wasn't swift enough. Yogie quickly hid into his shell, and when Roy kicked him, the shell slid, ricocheted off the wall, and slammed into Roy.

Yogie gracefully popped his arm out of his shell and stood on it for a new yoga pose. "Ohhhhmmmm…."

**So, what do you think? Is the discussion of marijuana out of line? Do I need to change the rating to M? Tell me! I looove receiving reviews!:3**


	5. Lights Out

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Koopalings, or any of the other Mario creatures in this story, other than the roommates.**

**Also, no offense to any girls out there named Regina.**

Wendy was punished for her cafeteria behavior by not being allowed to watch TV or eat ice cream with the other girls. She was shoved into the bedroom of her new roommate, another non-privileged girl named Regina.

"Ugh, Regina. What a hideous name! I'm glad King Daddy knew better than to give me such an ugly name!"

"It's Reggie, or Reg!"

"Ugh! Even worse!"

Reggie was an ugly Koopa girl with messy brown hair (like Ludwig's on a bad hair day, only not as long) and snaggly teeth.  
>"Well, if it isn't Miss Spoiled Princess," the girl taunted. "Why are you still wearing that bow?"<p>

"This bow is part of who I am!" said Wendy.

"It's a personal belonging, and it's not allowed! Miss Blue!"

Reggie's staff was a blue female Shy Guy.

"Show Miss Priss where we keep our personal belongings."

Miss Blue took Wendy to the laundry room where the clothes were kept and washed. She picked up an empty box and wrote "Windy Koopa" on it.

"It's Wendy! My name is spelled with an E!" Wendy screamed.

Miss Blue pointed at Wendy's bow gestured for her to put it inside the box.

"NO! You are not having my bow! You took my bracelets, you took my necklace, you even took my high heels, but I AM KEEPING MY BOW!"

Wendy screamed as Miss Blue yanked the bow off her head.

"Without your bow, you're just a baldie!" teased Reggie.

"I'd rather be a baldie than a mop top like you!" Wendy retorted.

Miss Blue waved her finger/hand/appendage at them as if to chastise them for teasing each other. She then gave them each a pink nightgown, a cotton pair of briefs, a towel, and paper cups of shampoo and soap (only soap for Wendy).

"Ugh, I only wear Victoria's Shell!" whined Wendy.

"Guess what, Princess?" said Reggie. "There's only one bathroom in this cottage with a tub and IT'S MINE!"

"Oh, no, it isn't!" growled Wendy. She tackled Reggie and tussled over the floor with her until Miss Blue broke them up.

Wendy was the one who got to use the bathroom with the tub. However, she was very disappointed; the water wasn't hot enough, and it didn't flow very well, and there were no bath bubbles.

Wendy kept the water on, convinced it was leaking through the faulty stopper. The water level never did reach high enough to cover her chest.

After a paltry ten minutes' soak, she was ordered to get out so Regina could take a bath.

Wendy put up a fight with Miss Blue and the other staff, a red female Shy Guy.

"No more bubble baths for you," said Miss Red.

Iggy and Lemmy, meanwhile, thought that they were at camp. Their cottage was more colorfully decorated than the teen cottages, and they got to eat better quality ice cream and watch cartoons. They ran around the place until their staff, Mr. Shy, stopped them.

Mr. Shy got them some bath bubbles so that they could have a nice bubble bath together. They were also allowed to sleep in the same room.

"All right, can we go home to King Daddy now?" asked Lemmy.

"Oh, no, boys, you're spending the night here," said Mr. Shy.

"But we go home to King Daddy tomorrow, right?" asked Iggy.

"No, boys, this is your home now."

"No it isn't, silly!" said Lemmy.

"Our home is King Daddy's castle!" said Iggy.

"Not anymore."

The concept had finally sunken in. Iggy and Lemmy stared up in horror, their eyes beginning to well up with tears.

"NOOOO!" they screamed in unison. "We wanna go home! We want King Daddy back!"

Lemmy jumped down from his ball and tossed it at Mr. Shy's head. Iggy ripped out the telephone cord and tossed the telephone at him. They ran around screaming and breaking stuff until the Sledge Brothers were called out to restrain them, put them on tranquilizers and put them to bed.

Bowser Jr.'s Toddlers' Cottage had even nicer living conditions. There were toys everywhere, an incredible selection of children's videos, and even pets – a couple of miniature Cheep Cheeps in a fishbowl, and a Micro Monty Mole with a tumor on its chest in a small animal travel carrier.

"When do I get to go home to King Daddy?" Junior asked.

"Tomorrow," the Shy Guy staff white-lied to him.

"OK". Junior tucked himself into the trundle bed. The toddlers' cottage had spare rooms, so Junior was spared a roommate.

After lights out, Roy reflected on his current situation over a smoking joint. One of the advantages of having such a zen roommate, he thought. Wouldn't rat on him for smoking.

Morton, on the other hand, had lost his lighter. He wished that he had Ludwig's precocious fire-breathing ability – a talent that was wasted on a Koopaling who had no desire to light a joint or a bowl to sully his mind with pot, he thought. He squirmed fitfully in bed, uncomfortable with the spring-less, saggy mattress and the pillow that was plastic-coated beneath the pillowcase. At one point he was finally beginning to fall asleep, his thoughts as blurry as the shadow that moved over him and slipped under the covers.

"Say, Mort, how d'you feel about a one-night stand?"

Morton jerked awake. "GET OUT OF MY BED YOU QUEER!"

One of the Shy Guy staff opened the door. "Anything wrong in here?"

Freddie slipped quickly back into his bed.

"Yes," said Morton, "that faggot over there was trying to rape me!"

"Freddie over there? He wouldn't hurt a MicroGoomba! He's always being picked on for being different, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

"But-"

"Go to sleep. Whatever happened, you probably dreamt it."

The staff closed the door, and the bright light of the cottage outside the bedrooms, where the Shy Guy staff bustled about all night, was blocked. Morton's stomach turned at the sound of Freddie's musical, lustful humming. _I hope Ludwig's genius can bust us out of here, _he thought.

Ludwig, meanwhile, had the light on (though he snapped it off for the moment every time he sat the shadow of a staff walking by). His stomach was growling, but he was trying not to dwell on the fact that tonight was supposed to be pizza night at the Koopa household. He had been working on a new song all day, and he had run out of paper and pencil, so he had resorted to scribbling his prison escape plan on the wall with a crayon nub.

_Let's see… If I, Roy and Morton were to toss Larry hard enough at the iron bars, he should have enough momentum to put sufficient strain on the iron bars to widen them enough so that all of us can break through… But that is assuming that the bars are made of wrought iron. If for once the designers of this rotten hellhole spent a decent sum and built them out of stainless steel, then the stress coefficient shall be much greater, and we shall stand a better chance with the catapult… Better check the bars for rust… Breathe fire on them? _ Nein_, my fire's weak without decent sustenance… _

"Kooky, aren't ya a lil' ole t'be scribblin on the wall?" Jimmy-Bob asked.

"My business is none of your business, you hayseed!" Ludwig growled. Now, where was I_…" Ah, yes, the tree…_

"Goll-ee, Kooky, these are some purrrrdy musical notes!" said Jimmy-Bob.

Ludwig's eyes were on fire at the sight of his redneck roommate touching his work.

"Keep your shit-stained hands off of my sheet music, you hillbilly trailer-trash hick!" Ludwig roared.

"Aw, shucks, Ludwig, I'm sorry…"

"What's going on in here?" Mr. Guy shoved the door open. "Lights off! That's a thousand negative consequences for each of you! And what's this?"

Ludwig pretended to be shocked to see the blue crayon equations on the wall.

"Well, Prince Ludwig here said it ain't none a'mah busyness," said Jimmy-Bob.

"That's another two thousand negative consequences for you, Mister Koopa." Mr. Guy marked more blue dots with his marker on Ludwig's point card. "Somebody does not want his snack tomorrow…

"And you are hand-scrubbing this wall first thing in the morning, Mister Koopa, and if I see one speck of crayon, you are staying here during this weekend's outing to Space Land!"

_Not Space Land!_ Ludwig wouldn't mind missing out on a trip to Cowboy Land, but a field trip to Space Land would almost make life in this slammer bearable!

Ludwig tried to fall asleep, but it was difficult considering Larry was on the other side of the wall he was sleeping next to.

"Um, Jimmy-Bob, buddy? You, ah, all wouldn't-uh, wouldn' mind tradin beds wi'me, wouldja?" Ludwig's Redneck-ese needed work.

"Gawrsh, a'course not! That's wha' best buds are for!"

_Wonder if Country Boy over there can sleep right next to all that banging,_ Ludwig thought.

Larry cried when he thought about the girl he was supposed to be sleeping with tonight. Half-asleep, he dreamed that he saw her face.

He kissed her face – which translated outside of dream world as his pillow. He got on top of the pillow and squeezed it tight and squirmed. It was not a very comfortable pillow, being as plastic as it was, and its plastic wrapper crinkled and made plenty of noise – more than enough to keep Fink awake.

"Mr. Guy! Mr. Guy! Larry's banging on his pillow!" Fink shouted when the staff walked by.

Mr. Guy walked in on Larry, unconsciously drunk on slumber, his pillow wet and slobbery.

"And that's _five thousand_ negative consequences for you, Larry! And you have lost your pillow privileges!"

Larry stared upward, confused, then fell backwards and zonked completely out again.


	6. Playtime

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from the Mario franchise. Nor do I own any cereal brands.**

"Princess?"

Wendy woke to the sound of her father's voice.

"King Daddy?"

Bowser was right outside the door.

"The nightmare's over, Kootie Pie. You're coming home now."

"King Daddy!" Wendy jumped out of bed and leaped into her father's arms. "Oh, King Daddy, I love you and I never want to leave you again! It was a close call – I thought I was gonna be stuck here forever like some of these filthy orphaned brats! Oh, King Daddy! King Daddy…"

"King… Daddy… Where… are… you…"

Wendy drifted back to reality. She was still in her Happy Homes regulation box bed, and the person who was banging on the door was not her daddy. It was Miss Red, today's interchangeable assigned staff member, her ring making much undue racket against the door.

Wendy burst into tears. She would rather have had a nightmare, for the relief it would bring upon waking up, than a "pleasant" dream to tease and torment her and make her greatest desire seem that much more unattainable.

"_Daddy! King Daddy!"_ Regina mocked. Let's face the facts, Princess – you're not a princess anymore, your fairy tale life is over, and you're never going to see your fairy tale castle or your King Daddy again!"

"That's not true!" Wendy screeched. She leaped onto Reggie's bed and began ripping at her hair. Miss Red called upon the assistance of Miss Blue to pull the two apart.

Miss Red marked blue points onto Wendy's point sheet.

"Hey, that's not fair! Why are you only marking off of me? _ She_ was kicking and screaming too!"

"Breakfast," said Miss Red.

Wendy was hungry from missing out both on dinner and her snack. She desperately hoped that the breakfast food here was better than their dinner food.

Wendy stood with her brothers in line, but she was not allowed to sit with them. She turned up her nose at the scrambled eggs – cooked with orange wedges, a most unsavory combination, and one that brought a stink to the already stinking cafeteria – and the unsweetened cereal.

"Cheerios? Corn Flakes? Rice Krispies?" Ludwig whined. "Ever heard of Honey Nut Cheerios, Frosted Flakes, or Cocoa Krispies?"

Ludwig took himself a piece of French toast, but it was far too rubbery from using stale eggs, and in too-large quantities at that. He discarded the toast and drank the cup of syrup. He got himself a cereal as an excuse to sneak some sugar packets for later.

Iggy's staff was spoon-feeding him, for Iggy would cry and refuse to eat. He also demanded that his staff pour a lot of sugar into his Rice Krispies.

After breakfast, it was recess time for the Teen Boys. Larry wanted to play basketball, but he had lost so many points from that pillow that he was now "non-privileged", meaning that he was not allowed to partake in such activities. Roy, on the other hand, had been unusually well-behaved yesterday, but today he felt like staying indoors to smoke weed.

"But I don't want to go to the playground!" Roy complained. " I wanna stay inside!"

"Inside is where the non-privileged kids stay during recess. You are not allowed with them because you're privileged."

"Some privilege." But Roy was not sure if he wanted to lose his privileges or not; after all, only privileged kids were allowed to have reasonably palatable snacks to eat between meals.

Ludwig had concocted a superb cleaning formula out of the toothpaste and cleaning supplies he had sneaked out of the supply closet, and he had done such an excellent job at cleaning the wall that his staff had allowed him to have his points back. The staff marked him with pink dots for good behavior.

"But I'm a boy, shouldn't the color-coding system work in reverse?" Ludwig asked.

The Shy Guy just shook his head.

Ludwig stayed inside the gym during recess. Roy was tossing a basketball around at others, threatening to pound them if they told that he was bullying on them. Ludwig sat at the piano on top of the auditorium and began to play the sheet music he had been writing yesterday.

"I shall call this my 'Fugue of Institutional Despair'", he murmured to himself.

"Excuse me, is that your piano?" his staff asked.

Ludwig turned his head around slowly, a sullen look cast upon his face. "Do you know who I am?"

The Shy Guy merely stared at him in silence.

"My father is King of Darkland, which currently includes here, meaning that it is money out of his budget that is keeping this sorry place up and running! Which means that the Koopa family owns this entire place!"

"Yes, the King is supposed to be supporting this place, but we haven't seen one coin from him. It is his fault that this place has substandard food and crowded living conditions, and why I am payed less than minimum wage. King Daddy slacked off on his royal duties, and now it's coming back to bite his children in the butt!"

"Let me guess, this institution is funded by generous donations from Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom."

"Why, yes. She's such an angel."

"If she's so generous, then why can't she donate enough money so that we can have some decent food and suitable shampoo and conditioner?" Ludwig's hair, which required expensive shampoo and matching conditioner to keep its style, was once again messy like it was when he was a kid who didn't like to bathe.

"It's not her business to make sure spoiled brats like you have luxuries that they do not deserve."

"Hey, you leave Kooky alone," said Jimmy-Bob. "It may not be blue grass or country twang, but his music is right durn purdy. And golly, he's sure good with 'em ol' black 'n ivories."

"Regardless of his talent, that is not his piano."

"Ignorant simpleton!" shouted Ludwig. "My talent is worth far more than your wretched cheap church piano! You should be begging – no, paying me to play it for you!"

"Kooky's right! Just let him play the darn piano! If he breaks it, his rich daddy'll pay it off fifty hunderd times over!"

"If you let me play this piano, I will ask King Daddy to fund this place with enough money to feed the children lobster and caviar every night and to raise your paycheck to _maximum_ wage for a decade!"

"That's negative consequences for both of you! And you can forget about going to Space Land!"

"Go Ludwig!" shouted Freddie. "Next time play me some Liberace"

Ludwig and Jimmy-Bob were escorted back to their room. They were instructed not to speak while in their room. The result of this instruction was a failed attempt by Ludwig to communicate to Jimmy-Bob in sign language, followed by a failed attempt in teaching him.

Freddie turned the boom box on to "I'm Too Sexy".

"That's GAY!" shouted Morton. He turned on KISS's "I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night".

"But hey, Mort, it's my turn! I'm tired of listening to these clowns."

"THEY ARE NOT CLOWNS! THAT'S ROCK AND ROLL FACEPAINT! HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE THE GREATEST ROCK AND ROLL BAND EVER, THE GREATEST PERFORMING ARTISTS OF OUR TIME, THE MOST BRILLIANT MUSICIANS THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN!"

Mort jumped onto Freddie, and at that moment, a staff asked, "what is the matter here."

"Well, Morty and I can't seem to agree on what kind of music to listen to."

"Well, if you can't take turns and agree on what to listen to, then I guess I'll just have to take the boom box away."

"It's okay!" Morton said suddenly. "We can compromise!"

"Great idea," said Freddie. "Let's listen to Queen."

"That's cool. I like Queen."

"You know that Queen are gay and proud of it, right?"

"Figures…"

The teens were lucky that they only had to go out once a day. Latency, on the other hand, were made to go out five times a day – and they had to go to the stupid boring playground, with the wood chip sandbox filler, rusty swings that didn't swing very high, and pitifully small slide set.

Even simple-minded Iggy and Lemmy got bored out here. Lemmy cried over not having his ball, and Iggy went around pulling grass out and throwing it everywhere.

"I'm hungry," said Lemmy at the end of recess."

"It will be lunch soon," said Mr. Shy.

"But I don't want lunch!" shouted Lemmy.

"Lunch is icky," Iggy agreed, remembering the atrocity of the cafeteria last night.

"Well, you can take it or leave it, that's all I have to say."

"We want snack!" they shouted together.

"No snacks until after dinner."

"We want KoopTarts!" Iggy and Lemmy had peeked into the kitchen and had found that the cupboards were full of boxes upon boxes of KoopTarts.

"But that's against the rules!"

"Stupid rules!"

"Listen, if I made an exception and gave you two KoopTarts, then I would have to give everybody KoopTarts!"

"No you wouldn't!" said Iggy. "Just give us KoopTarts in secret!"

"Or give everybody KoopTarts!" said Lemmy.

"We do not have enough KoopTarts for everybody!"

"Yes we do!"

Mr. Shy sighed and put Iggy and Lemmy into their room for quiet time. As soon as the coast was clear, the snuck out of their bedroom and into the kitchen. Iggy looked behind Lemmy's back while Lemmy opened the cabinets to get the treats art.

"One for you and one for me," said Lemmy as he handed a packet to Iggy.

"We sure fooled stupid old Mr. Shy!" said Iggy.

The two of them snickered and immediately opened their KoopTarts to eat.

"Hey, I want mine toasted," said Iggy.

"Too bad," said Lemmy. "They don't got no toaster. Maybe the microwave?"

"No, microwave burns them and makes them icky and hot! Let's just take our tarts and run!"

The twins were running to their room while gobbling their Koop-Tarts when they bumped into Mr. Shy.

"Give them here," said Mr. Shy, "Or you will get more of the bad blue dots."

"We like blue dots!" shouted Lemmy. Iggy said, "Yeah!" and pushed Mr. Shy away with his leg.

Mr. Shy was unhurt – It was a very soft shove, more of a nudge, but the fact that Iggy did it with his leg made it an assault and battery. Mr. Shy yanked what was left of their KoopTarts away and gave Iggy enough blue dots for his "violence" to put him in nonprivileged mode. This meant that, for the rest of the Latency playground excursions, the twins would be separated.


	7. One Phone Call

**(Disclaimer: Refer to previous chapters)**

**Sorry it took so long, I've been busy with school and my other stories, but I do promise that I will finish all of my unfinished stories in due time, especially now that school's out for me **

Morton was desperate.

Freddie first fingered his face with his white face powder. He then got out his eyeliner and smeared it around Morton's eyes.

"There, now, you look just like Gene Simmons."

"Uh, no, I look like Paul Stanley."

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure that Gene is the one who wears the Demon facepaint."

"Uh-uh, I'm the Starchild." Morton took Freddie's makeup mirror.

Staring back at him was the face of the wrong KISS member.

"YOU MADE ME THE DEMON! I'M NOT THE DEMON I'M THE STARCHILD! THE STARCHILD!"

"OK, OK, relax, I'll redo it! Now, did you have the star on your right eye or your left eye…?"

Meanwhile, Ludwig was furiously writing on the wall. Not math equations or music – just nonsense gibberish and scribbles. He was beginning to lose his mind. Needless to say, he missed out on the trip to Space Land.

"Calm down there, Kooky, we gotta get ready for school!"

"SCHOOL!" At the mere mention of "school", Ludwig wanted to tear his uncombed hair out. He had always complained about the Mushroom Kingdom Academy, but the Happy Homes school that he was now forced to go to caused him to miss being picked on by Mr. Jugem.

All the grades lumped together, misbehaved delinquent kids that needed extra help with reading and math…

And nothing but children's books to read…

And worst of all, no computers…

"Cheer up, Kooky, a feller as sharp as you wull graduate in no time!"

"Uh, if we actually stay at this godforsaken place long enough to graduate, what do they do with us afterwards?" Ludwig asked hesitantly.

"You mean when you turn eighteen? Simple. They put you in a group home where you don't have to go to school!"

Kooky's eyes twitched. He broke the pencil that he was writing on the wall with.

"Kooky, you better erase that unless you wanna miss out on the next trip ta Space Land."

"Hehehe…" Ludwig giggled a weak, shallow, resigned, sheepish version of his normal giggle. He scratched the wall with the broken end of the half of the pencil with the point on it.

Jimmy-Bob tut-tutted at the wall. "Geez, Kooky, I miss back when you use to draw all them fancy musical notes and mathymatical essy marks. If you keep this up, they might just send you to juvey. I've been there once, it was ma cousin's fault, and they don't even let you make yer one phone call…"

_One phone call. That's it._

_So brilliantly simple… Why hadn't I thought of it before?_

Kooky dropped the pencil and ran out of the room.

"Wow… Never seen him in that much of a hurry to eat breakfast…"

It was true. Ludwig had lost a lot of weight that week. He had been chubby before, but now he was almost underweight according to the Koopa BMI Scale. Roy had lost some muscle mass, Morton started to take on the shrimpy look he had when he was younger, Wendy looked like an anorexic supermodel, and Larry looked like a Holocaust survivor.

_Or a crackhead_, Ludwig thought. But then, Larry was already a crackhead.

Ludwig arrived at the front desk, where the telephone was located.

"Sir, may I please use the phone to call my father?"

The Shy Guy staff who was using the phone simply ignored him and continued talking in Shy Guy gibberish.

"Pardon me, but I believe that every child here has a right to communicate with his or her birth parents!"

The Shy Guy hung the phone up and ignored him.

"Pardon, but I will just take that…"

The Shy Guy stopped Ludwig's claw with his own appendage.

"You shall not cross me, underling." With that, Ludwig spouted a fireball onto the Shy Guy's mask.

Ludwig swiped the phone (it was a cordless phone, luckily for him) and ran with it to the bathroom.

"Oooh, Kooky's so gonna end up in juvey now…" said Jimmy-Bob.

"Hello? King Dad? Is that you?"

"Ludwig, my boy?"

"Yes, it's me. I had to commit arson to do it, but I finally got ahold of the phone so I could make you a phone call. What's the status in terms of your parental rights?"

"Oh, they're making me take these stupid parenting classes for six weeks…"

"S-six weeks?" Ludwig gasped.

"Well, they don't like my attitude, so for me, it's gonna take longer. Some of these loser parents have been here for six months."

"S-six MONTHS?"

Ludwig gulped and groped for a grip on his sanity. "B-but father, you are the King and therefore have absolute power! You can turn over any silly custody law!"

"Kooky, you're not a lawyer…"

"And whose fault is that? Oooh, if you would have only allowed me to further my higher education!"

"You see, the deal is, you go to school in Mushroom Kingdom Territory, which makes your care under the jurisdiction of the Mushroom Kingdom."

"But Happy Homes is in Dark Land!"

"That may be so, but there's a loophole. You see, Princess Peach made a pact with me a little while ago, that if I stop kidnapping her for a little while, that she will help to fund some of the public services offered in Dark Land, which comes at the cost of surrendering the jurisdiction of those institutions to the Mushroom Kingdom."

"And you chose Happy Homes of all places not to fund! Father, you are such a cheapskate!"

"Well, you don't get to keep your kingdom and remain king by spending coins like there's a hole in your shell…"

"Yes, because it makes far more sense to sell out a kingdom in order to keep it! Father, what you need to do is fund Happy Homes! And CPS, for that matter!"

"It's all you kidses fault! I wouldn't have to do that if you kids would only behave in school! That's why I tell you to behave, not because I want you guys to grow up to be goodie-goodies-"

"Pardon me, Pops, but I'm not the one eating pizza off the ground or throwing a fit over a raffle for an ice cream coupon, and then tattling on you to bail my tail out!"

"Ludwig…"

"Please, Father, just for one month! Take it out of our allowance! You're already saved a week of giving us allowance!"

"Not quite. They've nailed me for child support."

"Child support, huh? Tell me, exactly how much do you pay?"

"About… Five thousand coins a month… per child. Paid in weekly installments."

"OK, that makes for, uh, ten thousand coins a week… Exactly how much does Princess Toadstool pay to keep Happy Homes up and running?"

"Um, I don't know… Let me call her… Hang on, I've got her on the other line… Hello, is this Peach, darling? Sorry, sorry, this is strictly business, I need my kids back… Oh, shut up, I don't need you to scold me, I'm just asking, how much do you pay to support Happy Homes? OK, uh huh. Thank you. Ludwig? Peach says it costs her eight thousand coins a month to support Happy Homes."

_Only eight thousand! My god, that's an atrocious sum to support such a large number of kids and keep all those staff on payroll!_ "Well, you've already paid more money in a week to support the place than Peach does in a month – A MONTH! I don't want to wait a month! I can't stand even one more day in this miserable inferno… It makes your dungeon look like Cloud Nine…"

Ludwig's brain was working furiously. "Wait a minute, it's the end of the month. And according to the contract, when does Peach pay and by what time in order to achieve jurisdiction of the place?"

"Hold on a sec… I'm digging through my papers… Here it is… yadayadayada, if both parties funded establishment in question, whosoever paid the larger amount in a month by the end of the month shall hold all legal rights to the establishment from the first of the next month for the duration of the next month…"

"Which means that we're home free tomorrow, since tomorrow's the first! Unless… did Peach pay this month?"

"She said she did."

"Well, OK, then, as long as she doesn't pay another eight thousand before tomorrow begins, we're going HOME!"


	8. We're Going Home! Maybe

**Yes, lately I have been in a very fanfiction-y mood, so expect updates for all the stories that I have put on hold to come soon, and perhaps some new ones as well:)**

**For those of you who have been reading it, "The TellTale Googly Specs" is finished:)**

**For those of you who haven't read it yet, it's highly recommended if you like spooky and suspenseful stories full of psychological turmoil. As the name suggests, it's somewhat reminiscent of "The Tell-Tale Heart". It is told from Ludwig Von Koopa's point of view, and it also features the character E. Gadd.**

Ludwig burst out of the bathroom and ran to each of his siblings' bedrooms to give them the good news.

"Morton! We're going home!"

"OK, just wait a second, let this faggot finish my facepaint… DID YOU SAY WE'RE GOING HOME?"

"Yes. Father and I found a loophole in the contract, and we're home tomorrow as long as Princess Peach doesn't come to fund this place before then…"

Freddie gazed dreamily at Ludwig. "That's one sexy brother you've got there, Mort."

Morton's white-powdered face turned pink from the red underneath. "MY BROTHER IS OFF LIMITS! Damn, I'm glad that I only have to put up with you for another day… I would take my own brothers and sister over you any day!"

"The feeling is mutual," said Ludwig, referring to Jimmy-Bob.

Speaking of which, Jimmy-Bob rushed into the room.

"Kooky, they're getting' set t'take ya t'juvey!"

Morton gaped his mouth. "What did you do, vandalize the piano?"

Ludwig slapped his palm to his face. "I only need to hold them off until twelve AM tomorrow. My father is getting us back tomorrow."

"Rrr-really? That's mighty swell! But you best hide out in the Teen Girls cottage until then."

Freddie pulled out some contraband pink ribbons that he had been hiding in his pillowcase. "You will be needing these."

Ludwig popped briefly into Roy's room to tell him the good news.

"Haha, you're wearing pink ribbons!" Roy laughed. " I always knew you were a closet cross-dresser!"

"For your information, ribbons were the style for men in Beethoven's time," Ludwig retorted. "Anyway, King Dad's getting us back tomorrow!"

Roy gaped. "Are you serious? No way!"  
>Ludwig said, "Well, as long as Princess Peach doesn't come before tomorrow to fund this place…"<p>

Roy scratched his head.

Ludwig sighed. "It's a legal matter. You probably wouldn't understand, and I don't have the time to explain it to you."

Roy said, "Well, if it turns out that you've been pulling my leg, than you're gonna be sorry!"

Roy stared at the motionless Yogie beside him. "Well, if it's my last day here, then I better give Yogie here a good-bye pummeling!"

Roy punched and kicked, but Yogie nonchalantly twisted his body out of the way at every thrust.

Ludwig ran out to Larry's room, where he found his brother playing with his blanket.

"Larry, you had better quit, lest you want to lose your blanket privileges too…"

Fink ran out and called, "MR. GUY! MR. GUY! LARRY'S DOING IT WITH HIS BLANKET!

Ludwig put his hand over Fink's mouth. He did not need anybody spilling his location.

"Larry, if all goes well, we're going home tomorrow!"

"Sweet." Larry continued to scrunch up his blanket at his crotch.

Ludwig removed his hand from Fink's mouth. "Oh, and, by the way, I don't think that you can have Larry's blanket privileges confiscated. After all, it is against this institution's regulations for a child to freeze to death."

"Kooky, hurry! The staff are comin' upstairs!"

Ludwig smirked at the foolish staff, who were all coming up the same flight of stairs when there were two flights of stairs, and it would be smarter to divide themselves between the two staircases. He went down the flight that they were neglecting.

He ran out the door and over to the next cottage, the Teen Girls' cottage.

Ludwig checked all of the rooms until he found the one with Wendy's roommate. Wendy, however, was absent.

"Um, pardon me," he said with a girlish falsetto, "would you happen to know where Wendy O. Koopa is?"

"It ain't none of your beeswax!" said Regina.

"Oh, but I am new here, and Wendy is one of my friends from back before I was taken away…"

"Wow, I didn't think she had any friends." Regina stared at Ludwig sourly before stomping over to him. "Hey, don't you know that personal belongings aren't allowed…"

She ripped the ribbons off Ludwig's hair, making him scream, and gasped.

"You're Wendy's brother – the snotty and stuck-up one! MISS BLUE! THERE'S A BOY IN THE COTTAGE!"

Ludwig ran to the nearest bathroom to hide. He tried to open it but the handle was just twisting around loosely, and so the door was stuck.

"HEEEELLLLP!" screamed a familiar female voice from inside.

"Wendy! What happened – how did you get stuck in here?"

"I don't know, the handle just broke! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"No time for that! Listen, the good news is that we're going home tomorrow, the bad news is-"

Ludwig was suddenly pulled back by the rough scaly hands of a Sledge Brother. He slammed Ludwig to the wall and restrained him.

I blew it now, he thought. One of the Shy Guys surrounding the Sledge Brother pulled out a walkie-talkie to notify the Teen Boys cottage.


	9. Foster Care

**Yeah, I changed the title of the story because I thought that "Institutionalized Koopalings" fit the story better as a title than "We Want King Daddy Back!" Enjoy!**

Ludwig was brought to the waiting room in the front office to await the police that would drag him over to juvenile hall. As he sat in one of the chairs, guarded carefully by a Sledge Brother on either side, he cringed at the sound of crying kids that have recently been separated from their parents.

"I WANT MY MOMMY!"

"I WANT MY DADDY!"

"I WANNA GO HOME!"

Obviously these kids were not being abused so badly if they wanted their parents and to go home.

Ludwig had the sense of dignity not to throw such tantrums, but he had to admit to himself that he really wanted to…

_I hope the police are slow in arriving. Hurry, King Father, hurry!_

"Yay! We're going home!"

Ludwig whipped his head around and saw a Shy Guy walking Iggy and Lemmy into the room.

"Yes, you two are going to a nice home," the Shy Guy said.

The Shy Guy introduced them to a large Koopa Troopa, though from a distance, with his frail-looking limbs, saggy skin and sallow, sunken face, he could easily be mistaken for a Dry Bones.

"Are you going to take us home?" Lemmy asked, staring up at the Troopa with his innocent lazy-eyed face.

"Um… sure," the Troopa said, running his tongue hesitantly over his prematurely wrinkled lips.

"Home to King Daddy?" asked Iggy.

"Yep, you're going right back home to King Daddy!"

The Troopa lifted his head and winked at the Shy Guy staff, then put his eyes back on the young Koopalings.

Ludwig shivered at the way this prospective foster parent was eyeing his younger brothers while feeling up his own hands.

_My brothers are being separated from the family – and worse, to live with this drug-addicted and diseased pedo!_

That was enough for Ludwig. He got out of his chair and began to roar. The Sledge Brothers each grabbed an arm and held him against the wall.

"Hip, Hop, don't g -"

One of the Sledge Brothers put a hand over Ludwig's mouth. Ludwig blew fire on it and the Sledge Brother not only removed it but let go of Ludwig to nurse his burnt hand.

"Brothers, don't let that creep take you home! He's lying, he's not taking you home to King Daddy, and he wants to-"

"Why, that's ridiculous," said the creep. "I'll take GOOD care of you two. Now all I need to do is sign a few papers…"

Ludwig aimed a fireball at the papers.

The Shy Guy who worked as a receptionist sighed and brushed away the ashes. "Damn it, why can't those police come any faster? Anyway, I've got more."

Ludwig was too weak to breathe any more fire. Being as hungry as he was, he was only able to muster up the energy to breathe fire because he was hyped up on adrenaline from being anxious about whether his father would get them back soon or not.

Iggy and Lemmy turned their wide, confused eyes to Ludwig.

"Kooky?"

Ludwig couldn't allow the twins to be taken away. Not when King Dad was getting them back so soon.

Ludwig raised his matted blue bush of a head and opened his eyes to his brothers.

"Run."

Iggy and Lemmy suddenly screamed and took off in separate directions. Lemmy headed out the Happy Homes entrance, while Iggy headed into the other waiting room, where kids waited for visitation from their parents.

The Sledge Brothers dropped Ludwig and took off after the twins. Lemmy raced around the parking lot, jumping on top of cars, while Iggy pulled Cheep Cheeps out of the fish tank in the other waiting room and threw them at the Sledge Brother's face.

The creepy foster parent continued to sign the papers. Ludwig sighed. No matter how long Iggy and Lemmy stalled, they would now be legally in the custody of the foster system, and Bowser would have a hell of a time getting them out, even if he did own Happy Homes for the month.

Ludwig saw Lemmy dodge a police car outside in the parking lot.

_Out of one prison and into another…_


	10. One Other Phone Call

"PHONE CALL FOR MR. KOOPA!"

Larry, Morton and Roy all ran to the front desk at the bottom floor of the cottage.

"Which one?" they asked in unison.

The Shy Guy holding the phone asked that question into the phone.

"All three of you actually. It's your brother in juvenile hall."

Morton grabbed the phone.

"Hi, Ludwig! I thought you were a goner! Well, I guess you kind of are, now that you're in juvey – anyway, why are you calling us? If I were you, I would have used my one phone call to call King Dad and let him know what's going on-"

"I did call King Dad," explained Ludwig, "but I quite sneakily ordered him to redirect the call over here so I could contact both him and you. Now-"

"Oh, and Jimmy-Bob really misses you! Now that he has no roommate, would you mind if I swapped my roommate over to him?"

Larry grabbed the phone. "No, he should take MY roommate! Fink is always trying to bust me for smoking marijuana, and I have to take a piece of paper and make it out like he is lying and I'm just smoking a pretend joint, while I swallow the real one, which really hurts-"

"No, he should take my roommate!" said Roy. "Better yet, he should take Jimmy-Bob's room and let me take Jimmy-Bob. That way, I can pick on him for his hillbilly trashiness and accent. Yogie's darn right near impossible to bully."

Morton grabbed the phone back. "But my roommate just painted his face to look like Gene Simmons, and he wants us to-" Morton paused to shudder. "_role-play_."

"Listen to you all, bickering over a matter as trivial as roommates!" Ludwig shouted. "Has that wretched Third Reich of Hell sapped you all of your last ounces of dignity? If we play our cards right, you won't have to worry about roommates anymore by tomorrow. Now if you don't mind, please put Larry on the phone."

"What? Why?"

"Because, quite frankly, he is the most – well, the least unintelligent of my younger siblings."

Morton grudgingly handed the phone over to Larry.

"Ludwig, aww, man, sucks to be you! Be careful, the boys down in juvey will butt-rape you on a daily basis! Take it from me."

"I wouldn't worry about me if I were you, at least not for now," said Ludwig. "I am in quarantine for the next twenty-four hours. Now listen: first of all, I need you to sneak out and check on Iggy and Lemmy. Shortly before I left, they were being brought to live with some creeper of a foster parent. With any luck, the guards are still running around trying to catch them. I need you to look out them, okay?"

"Oh, so that's why I saw Iggy running around outdoors earlier," said Larry.

"Also, Wendy is trapped in a bathroom with a broken handle. Roy, do you think you can bust her out?

"I dunno," said Roy. "Haven't worked out in a week. Haven't had no protein to eat for energy."

"Well, try, OK? Even if you have to steal some Kooptarts to get the energy to do it.

"Secondly, I need you guys to watch out for Peach. There is no telling whether or not she might come early to drop off next month's funds for Happy Homes. If you see her, do whatever you can to stall her, at least until twelve o'clock AM. Because if those funds are dropped off at any time before the first of next month, which is tomorrow, then you guys are legally stuck there for another month."

Jimmy-Bob suddenly started eavesdropping on the Koopa brothers.

"Hey! Y'all tell Kooky there that Jimmy-Bob says howdy, all right?"

Jimmy-Bob ran up and grabbed the phone from Larry. "Howdy, Kooky! How's juvey been treating ya?"

"Excuse me, but are you a Mister Koopa?" asked the Shy Guy staff in charge of the phone.

Jimmy-Bob put his finger on his chin. "Uhhh…"

The Shy Guy yanked the phone from him. "The Koopas' phone call has gone on long enough anyway. Say goodbye to your brother, boys."

The Shy Guy staff hung the phone up before the boys could finish their goodbye. "It's recess time, boys. Line up."

Morton pushed Larry in front of him so that he wouldn't be lined up behind Freddie.

Larry acknowledged that in order to sneak into the teen girls' cottage, he would have to disguise himself as a girl.

"Umm, Freddie, you wouldn't happen to have any more of those pink ribbons, would you?"

"No, but I have some lipstick and hot pink hair dye," Freddie said, winking at Larry.


	11. Nurse's Office

"Hi, my name is Laura, I am new here," said a Koopaling with a pink Mohawk and too much makeup.

"My, you look absolutely starved!" said the Shy Guy staff that greeted "Laura" at the door to the Teen Girls cottage. "It's a good thing you're here; you will get plenty to eat here!"

_Yeah, plenty of shit to eat_, Larry thought.

The staff checked "Laura" in and then made some phone calls asking about "her". Larry, meanwhile, asked to go to the bathroom.

"Wendy, are you in there?"

"Larry? How did you get in here?"

"Long story. Don't worry; I will get you out of there. I can't say I'm surprised that they haven't tried to get you out yet," he said with a chuckle.

Larry twisted the handle until it came off and stuck one of Freddie's bobby pins into the hole to undo the lock and hold it open.

The door swung open and Wendy hugged her brother, something that she does not often do.

"Larry? You look like a queer!"

"Well, how else was I supposed to get in here?"

"Ludwig was here earlier. How is he?"

"Umm, he's currently being quarantined in the slammer for some naughty stuff he did."

"OH NO!" Wendy started sobbing. "Without Ludwig's brains we will never get out of here! I'd take King Daddy's dungeon over this any day!"

Wendy started throwing a tantrum on the carpet.

"Hey, isn't that your bow?" Larry pointed at a Toadette who was wearing a bow that looked just like Wendy's. She had gotten it out Wendy's box of personal belongings in the clothes closet.

Wendy looked up and twisted her face in fury at the girl.

"THAT'S MINE! GIVE THAT BACK!"

Wendy pounced on top of the girl and fought the bow away, scratching the girl in the process and making her cry and run off to find a staff to tattle on.

"Um, you better hide before you get sent to juvey too. Oh, and keep a lookout for Princess Peach. Do not let her donate any money to this place, because if she does we're trapped here for another month. On a second thought, you might want to act brattier to decrease the chances that you wind up in foster care during that month. Hehe, poor Hip and Hop… Oh, and by the way, I'm Laura." Larry winked. He hid and waited in one of the bathrooms, eager to make the most of his time in a cottage full of girls.

Morton and Roy were at the playground. Roy pushed Morton off the rusty-chained swing and into the rough wood chips used as playground filler.

"Oww, Roy! We're supposed to be keeping a lookout for Princess Peach, not injuring each other!"

"Well, I don't see no Princess Peach 'round here."

"That's because we're all the way over here in the playground! We need to think of a way to get to the main office… man, I wish that they let Ludwig talk to us for longer so he could come up with something…"

Morton got back on the swing, and Roy pushed him off again. Morton's knee was mildly scraped by the wood chips.

"Owww, man, Roy, you could have seriously injured me! And then I would have been sent to that awful icky nurse's office where they would spray antiseptic all over my wounds that would sting and hurt! And I would be so close to that noisy office with all those brats screaming about how they want their mommy and daddy back, and maybe run into that stupid Princess if she decides to visit…"

Morton's blabbering suddenly made an idea click for both of them.

"OWWW!" the two of them screamed together.

"What's wrong?" asked the Shy Guy staff.

"I got a bellyache," said Roy.

"Oh, dear, you might have appendicitis!"

"And I scraped my knee," said Morton.

The Shy Guy inspected it. It was barely bruised, the scales were slightly scratched, and there was not yet any blood oozing from the scrape.

"Oh my! It might be infected! You don't have hemophilia, do you?"

"Uh…" the brothers looked confused until Morton suddenly remembered what hemophilia was.

"Of course we do! We are royals, after all!"

"We've got to get you to the nurse's office before you bleed to death!"

The nurse gave Roy some pink medicine (which tasted awful to him) and sprayed the stinging antiseptic on Morton's knee before putting a pink bandage with kittens on it.

"You two are free to return to the playground."

Morton started coughing, and Roy faked a sneeze.

"Oh my gosh! You two might have the Paragoomba flu! You better be quarantined here until we make sure!"

Roy laughed as the nurse rushed to get some testing equipment. "These folks are suckas fo'diseases."

Morton laughed. "Oh dear! The kid used somebody else's toothbrush! Call the ambulance to make sure he doesn't have AIDS!"

"OK, let's split before nursie gets back!" said Roy.

Morton and Roy ran out to the front office, where they found Iggy and Lemmy being restrained by a pair of Sledge Brothers. The creepy foster parent was staring hungrily at them with huge eyes with pupils dilated by prescription overdose.

"Hurry up with those tranquilizers," shouted one of the Sledge Brothers.

"Holy hell, so this is the creepy mofo who wants to foster our li'l sibs!" said Roy.

"Why isn't Larry here helping out?" asked Morton.

"He's probably still in the girls' cottage beggin' chicks to blow him," said Roy.

"Well, there is only one thing to do," said Morton.

Morton screamed and picked up a potted plant and tossed it at the Sledge Brothers.

Each Sledge Brother kept hold of the Koopaling he was carrying with one arm while trying to grab Morton with the other arm.

Morton ran around screaming until each of his arms was caught by a Sledge Brother and he was restrained against a wall.

Roy, meanwhile, punched them in their other arms to make them let go of Iggy and Lemmy.

Iggy and Lemmy, once free, started running and hopping around and screaming. The Sledge Brothers dropped Morton to run after them.

Iggy and Lemmy got on top of their would-be foster parent and stomped on his shell, causing him to retreat into it.

Iggy kicked the shell, with Lemmy riding it, into one of the Sledge Brothers. The Sledge Brother wrapped his hands around Lemmy, but Lemmy squirmed out and danced, laughing, on top of his head.

"That's it, I QUIT!" shouted the creepy foster parent. "These two are much more trouble than they're worth!"

"Please, sir," said the receptionist, "maybe if we give them some tranquilers…"

A nurse came with some tranquilizers. Morton and Roy withdrew into their shells.

"Here, kids, I've got some candy for you two!"

"NO!" shouted Iggy.

"Kooky taught us never to accept candy from strangers!" shouted Lemmy.

"Geez, are all of the royal children this naughty?" asked the creep.

"Well, there is one that is relatively well-behaved – the young Bowser Jr."

"I'll take him," the creeper said, his eyes full of greed for the hefty sum of child support that he would be paid for keeping a royal child, and lust for Junior's youth.

"He is a little rambunctious though. First we need to confirm a diagnosis of ADHD or whatever and then put him on medication for it. He should be ready for placement in less than a week."

"Good," said the creep, shaking with giddiness at the mention of medication.

The creep left, and the nurse took Iggy and Lemmy, who were almost tired out, back to the cottage. "Next time, we put you on tranquilizers before you go out to meet your foster parent."

Morton and Roy popped out of their shells.

"Good, the twins are safe for now," said Morton. "BJ should be too if the Princess doesn't come today."

"Too bad, he can have BJ," said Roy.

The Koopa brothers noticed that the Shy Guy receptionist suddenly started hopping up and down.

"Oh, my, oh my… she's here, she's here!"

Roy and Morton turned around to see what the receptionist was so excited about. They saw a pink limousine with a mushroom shape on the chrome bumper in the parking lot out the window.

"OHH MY! THERE IS ONLY ONE BITCH WHO WOULD HAVE A LIMO LIKE THAT!" shouted Morton.


	12. Catch

The Sledge Brothers each grabbed Morton and Roy and restrained them to the wall.

"OMIGOD! NOT THE PRINCESS NOT THE PRINCESS NOT THE PRIN-"

The Sledge Brother covered up Morton's big mouth as the Princess walked in, accompanied by Toadsworth and holding a sack of coins.

"Oh my, restraining children? How dare you! Put them down!"

"But they're-"

"Put them down," Peach ordered. "Now. Restraining children is no way to get them to behave."

"But they're King Bowser's children!"

"Well no wonder they are so badly behaved! Their father probably restrained them all the time! Be nice, for goodness' sake!"

The Sledge Brothers put Morton and Roy down but kept a firm grip on their hands.

"HEY! THAT IS SLANDER! OUR FATHER NEVER RESTRAINED US! ALL HE EVER DID WAS ROAST OUR BUTTS A LITTLE WHEN WE DESERV-"

Roy covered up Morton's big mouth.

The Princess sighed. "This place is in sorry condition. I'm afraid I haven't been funding it enough. I might have to double, maybe even triple, no, quadruple what I've been funding it with."

Roy and Morton gasped.

Without warning, Roy grabbed the coin bag out of the Princess's hands.

"Hey! Give that back! That money is for Happy Homes!"

"Oh, really?" said Roy. "I thought we was residents of Happy Homes! Catch!"

Roy tossed the bag to Morton.

Morton ran off with the bag, followed by both of the Sledge Brothers, and out into the courtyard where the teen girls were lining up to go back to their cottage after dinner.

"Catch, Wendy!"

Wendy perked up at Morton mentioning her name, but was too slow to avoid having money tossed at her face. Morton was not sorry to see that happen to his bratty sister.

Wendy pushed herself up and looked at the coin bag, grinning deviously as she thought of what to do with it.

One of the Sledge Brothers caught Morton while the other tore after Wendy.

"Give us the money, or else we will restrain you," the Sledge Brother said.

"No!" Wendy shouted. She leaped as high as she could, fueled by adrenaline rather than food, and tossed the coin bag over the ten foot tall iron fence.

Or almost over the fence. The bag got caught on one of the prongs on top of the fence, which ripped it and caused some coins to spill out over the other side.

Larry passed by, escorted by a Shy Guy staff.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asked Wendy.

"Um, I think it's the Princess's money."

Larry's eyes twinkled with lust at the sound of the coins dropping to the ground. The bag ripped more, and the coins began to spill on both sides of the fence. Larry ran over and happily scraped up the few coins that had dropped on the inside of the fence and hid them in his shell.

Meanwhile, Roy was holding up Peach at the door.

"Let me pass, you rough little hooligan! I need to go home to fetch more money to fund the place with!"

"Sheesh, lady, ain't you ever heard of a credit card?" Roy asked.

"Well, they don't accept credit or debit here," Peach said. "Now please, if you let me donate some money to this place, you will get better meals here!"

"Will I get pizza?"

"Well, I don't know if it will be enough to afford that. Pizza is rather expensive, and there are a lot of kids here that need to be fed, and it wouldn't be fair if only some of you got pizza."

The Sledge Brothers came back, one of them still holding on to Morton. The other grabbed Roy out of the way of Princess Peach.

"Why, thank you. Now go easy on him, but don't let him get into any trouble."

The Sledge Brothers restrained Morton and Roy as soon as the Princess had driven out of sight.

"We're thinking about sending the two of you to juvenile hall," one of them said.

"Great, can it wait until tomorrow?" asked Morton.

"Come to think of it, you two would benefit from an early bedtime".

"Early? Man, I was hoping to stay up until twelve o'clock!"

"Dintcha hear, we've got the Paragoomba flu!" said Roy.

"The FLU?" the Sledge Brothers shouted together.

"But I didn't even get my flu shot yet!" shouted the other.

"Straight to quarantine for the both of you!"

Roy and Morton were tossed into a doctor's room where Larry happened to be waiting inspection. The door was deadbolted behind them.

"Hey, where have you been this whole time?" asked Morton.

"Oh, I was just having a good time in the teen girls' cottage," Larry answered with a wink.

"Told ya," said Roy, elbowing Morton.

"They were going to make me take a shower after dinner, which would wash all this pink hair dye and makeup off, but I pretended I had food poisoning – and believe me, that wasn't difficult." Larry shuddered, remembering the nasty peanut butter that came in a plastic squeeze tube and squirted oil off the top when torn open. "But of course there is NO WAY the food here could possibly be ill-prepared enough to give you food poisoning, so they figured it was Paragoomba flu."

"Haha, all we had to do was cough and sneeze!" said Roy.

Larry sighed. "I want to call King Dad to make sure he comes tonight to get us before the Princess does. But that wouldn't do any good… He can't have us until tomorrow… And that bitch Peach will be back with another sack of money…

"And we will be stuck here…" said Morton.

"…FOR ANOTHER MONTH!" the three of them cried together.


	13. Late Night

Ludwig sat still in the quarantine chamber, but his mind was fidgeting. He hated not knowing – having no way of knowing – when or if he was going to get out. He might have a better shot once he was out of quarantine, but that was only if his inmates didn't kill him – or at least scar him for life – first.

Nothing to do with his hands. He revised the fugue he had been working on in his brain. He tried coming up with another invention idea, but, as he was well aware of, necessity is the mother of invention, and the only sort of invention that would be a necessity to him would be a get-me-out-of-juvenile-hall machine.

Having nothing else to do for the moment (a situation that irked his busy mind to no end), Ludwig decided that it wouldn't be such a bad time to catch up on his much-needed but often-neglected sleep. He dreaded that he might have nightmares, but he dreaded that he might have happy dreams even more.

As if being a hard core insomniac didn't make that difficult enough, he could hear some of what the folks in charge of the juvenile penitentiary were discussing.

"…after funding Happy Homes tonight…."

That was all it took to make Ludwig scream out in the hoarse ranges of his normally rich and musical voice:

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

He could then hear them say:

"….put the quarantined one on meds…"

…

"All right, you three test negative for Paragoomba flu," said the nurse Shy Guy. "However, it is clear from your medical records that none of you have had a flu shot this year."

"Flu shot? Why bother? It isn't even flu season – YOOWWWCH!"

The nurse injected a flu vaccine into Morton's arm.

"Haha, what a sissy! Scared of a little ol' flu shot!"

"Your turn now," the nurse said to Roy.

Roy grabbed Larry and said, "here, make da little ones go first!"

Larry howled and cried and squirmed as the nurse pushed the hypodermic syringe into his arm.

Roy laughed. "What chickens! My brothers are just a couple'a wimps!"

The nurse's shot into Roy's arm took him by surprise.

"!"

The needle struck a nerve.

Morton and Larry laughed. "Who's the wimp now?"

Roy rubbed his still-somewhat-beefy arm. "You quack! What kinda nursin' school did you go to? I'm gonna be feelin' dat for a WEEK!"

The nurse handed them each a purple unicorn bandage and ushered them back to the waiting room where the staff were waiting to escort them back to their cottage.

They found that Wendy was in the waiting room as well.

"Wendy? Let me guess, you got Paragoomba flu too?" asked Morton.

"No. I was in the swimming pool – can you believe they let us swim when it's that cold out? And they don't even have a heated Jacuzzi! And they forced me to wear a life jacket! It was awful – it squeezed my shell and it felt like my lungs were being crushed! And did I mention it was FREEZING? It made me so cold that when I used the bathroom my pee felt hot coming out! I complained about that and now they think I have the clap so that's why they sent me here-"

The staff dragged the boys back to their cottage while Wendy waited with her staff. She waited and waited, but nobody checked on her.

Finally, her staff's shift ended, and she left, leaving Wendy to wait for the staff who had the night shift. Rather than waiting around to see who was next in line to babysit her, Wendy ran out to the waiting room at the entrance to look out for Peach so she could stop her from funding the place by any means necessary.

Wendy hid in the corner under a chair, her body withdrawn into her shell, watching the clock and waiting for the receptionist to abandon her post for whatever reason.

The clock struck eleven PM. Wendy slowly peeked her bald bowless head out of her shell.

The receptionist had fallen asleep.

Wendy quietly crawled out from under the chair, tiptoed to the door, and gave the door a swift yank.

The door was, of course considering the time of night, locked.

Wendy gritted her teeth, but then she realized that if the door was locked and the receptionist was asleep, Princess Peach wouldn't be able to get in.

It was a looong drive from the Mushroom Kingdom to Happy Homes, which was on the far side of Dark Land. If the Princess were coming, she would be arriving about now…

Staring out at the highway that led to the Happy Homes parking lot, Wendy blinked to make sure that the car with pink headlights on two very far apart bumpers was not the pink limo with the gold bejeweled crown on top that she dreaded to see…

_Not like it matters,_ she thought. _Unless the receptionist wakes up to let her in…_

_I'll scare her off if she comes by_, she thought. Wendy practiced making scary faces in the reflection off the locked glass door, which looked all the scarier since she hadn't worn makeup in a week, and accompanying vocalizations.

Wendy screamed at the scary mask face she saw reflected behind her.

The Shy Guy receptionist was awake.

Wendy was dragged, screaming and bawling, back to her cottage bedroom by a large group of Shy Guys. Regina was woken up by the bawling.

"What's the matter? Got caught going AWOL?"

Wendy didn't know what AWOL meant. To her, it sounded like something disgusting one would do with his or her butt. She ignored Regina's mean-spirited teasing and buried her red and teary face into her crinkly plastic pillow.

Meanwhile, though her brothers BJ and Iggy and Lemmy were sleeping relatively peacefully, her brothers Morton, Larry, Roy and even Ludwig at juvenile hall were wide awake, anxious about their fate, wondering if the Princess came, if King Dad would get them back when the sun rose, and worried about what would happen if he didn't. They would be split up into foster care, starting with the younger ones (once they were medicated to inhibit their problematic behaviors), though the older ones were likely to first wind up in juvenile hall with Ludwig. And once in foster care, it would be years before they would get out.

Ludwig imagined the worst. He and his siblings would be drugged, sent to live with abusive foster parents, at best ignored and warehoused for the purpose of collecting foster care payments, and at worst ignored, harassed, and maybe even molested. Isolated from each other, and from King Dad, for years; perhaps even sent to a distant kingdom, and if they were ever to reunite, it would be some years after the youngest of them reached adulthood.

Such thoughts inspired a more poignant melody to be composed in his mind.


	14. Fugue of Institutional Despair

Wendy was woken up at a very early hour by a loud banging on the door.

_Why bother._ Wendy rolled over on her tear-soaked pillow.

"Miss Koopa, you are being released today."

"Released? Where?"

"Probably to a group home that's even nastier than here!" shouted Regina. "Get up, Princess I've-got-Kooties-in-my-Koochie!"

Regina dragged Wendy by the tail out of the bed. Wendy didn't bother to put up a fight.

Regina smirked as the Shy Guy staff dragged Wendy away, happy not to share a room anymore.

The Shy Guy got the box full of her stuff out of the communal laundry room. Wendy refused to have breakfast before being brought to the front office. Her throat felt tight, her facial scales were crusted with mucous saline, and her lacrimal glands still ached from last night's emotional bloodletting. Her sight was still foggy from her eyes having been swamped by so many tears.

Once at the front office, Wendy screamed.

It couldn't be true. It was just another one of those happy nightmares. She rubbed her eyes, blinked her eyelids tightly shut, and pinched herself in her most sensitive area.

Her brothers, all seven of them, were smiling and hugging their King Daddy.

"I had a great time at camp," said Bowser Jr. "Except for the yucky food, but I got to go on fun field trips! I don't know why all my brothers and sisters hate it…"

"It can't be real, it just cant…"

Wendy turned away and paced halfheartedly and forlornly toward the opposite direction when her father grabbed her from behind and squeezed her in a loving bear hug.

Wendy was crying. "It's… it's really you? It's for real?"

"No, you're dreaming," said Larry, but Ludwig shoved him aside.

"It's real, Wendy. King Dad started a traffic jam that lasted long enough to stall Peach from getting to Happy Homes until twelve o-one AM."

Listening to Ludwig's soothing, melodic, rational voice, Wendy knew that she was no longer dreaming. She hugged her brother for the first time that she could remember.

"But how did you get out?"

"The Dark Land juvenile penitentiary was funded by Peach. But last night he funded it with just enough so that he would get the legal rights to it for this month."

"Yeah, and it's going to be coming out of your allowances for months to come," said King Bowser.

Wendy leaped onto her father and kissed his cheek. "Oh, King Daddy, I love you sooo much, and I never want to leave you ever again, and I promise I will never complain about going to the dungeon again, or take anything for granted again… By the way, do you think you can spring us some pizza?"

"Well… since you didn't get pizza last pizza night, OK."

The Koopalings cheered. They had never been so excited to have pizza.

…

"Ten freaking boxes? Are you KIDDING ME?"

The Koopalings ate through ten boxes of pizza without leaving any for their father.

"Didn't they feed you at that place?"

"Define feed," said Ludwig.

"Say, how about I take you all to the Ghost House so you can tell me spooky stories about that place?"

The kids all agreed to it.

…

Larry shined the flashlight over his squinty, sly face, and snickered into it like it was a microphone.

"So it was one kid's birthday, and can you guess what he got as a present?"

Larry's siblings all put on a look of feigned horror, except for the younger ones and especially Bowser, who was genuinely horrified by the conditions of that place.

"He was turning sixteen, but not only did he not get a car…

"He got a CHEAP AMUSEMENT PARK STUFFED ANIMAL!"

"Go on," Bowser implored.

"And I got a slice of his cake, and you know how it tasted?

"DRY! CRUSTY! RANCID! OMIGOD HOW COULD THEY RUIN CAKE!"

"NOT THE CAKE!" shouted Bowser.

"They can ruin the brownies, they can spoil the cookies, but when they touch the birthday cake… THAT is where I draw the line."

"OK, anybody else got a horror story to tell?"

Ludwig raised his hand. "Well, I've been composing a little something during my internment there, and I think that it would be an appropriate finale for the night. But you cannot merely listen with your ears while I play it; you must also listen with your soul."

Ludwig stepped up to the haunted piano (which only he was unafraid to touch) and began to play his Fugue of Institutional Despair.

Ludwig did not expect appreciation or even phony applause from his family. The uniquely chilling sound of King Boo's piano must have helped, for when raised himself from the piano after the last chilling note, they gave him a standing ovation, tears rolling off of their faces.

"Why, that song…" Wendy could not find the words to describe it. Morton tried, though it came out as incoherent rambling. Roy folded his arms and said, "Nice work", despite the emotion that was trying to burst out. Iggy, Lemmy, and Junior cried shamelessly. Larry lay on the floor crying. Bowser bawled the loudest, and gave Ludwig a great hug.

Ludwig was not used to this kind of reaction from his family. Did this mean his family was going to be different from now on?

"OK, let's all go home to bed now," said Bowser.

The Koopalings sighed in delight, happy to be sleeping in their own beds again.

All except Ludwig. He remained on the seat of the piano, staring at the ghosts that disappeared whenever they could tell that they were in his sight. He pressed the piano keys, and they became visible.

He began to play his Fugue again, just to watch how the ghosts reacted.

He made himself shed a tear as he played the music, which had a melody that started out high pitched and frantic, but gave way to slower, deeper imitations that added a feeling of sick, suspenseful horror throughout the song, and ended with a high-pitched but slow imitation to change the mood to one of disappointment and sadness.

Ludwig watched as the ghosts cried, dropped and disappeared as though dying a second death from listening to the song.

Ludwig a last imitation to the song, one that was played out to sound bright and cheery, as though to suggest that the rest of the song was just a nightmare that was to be forgotten. Ludwig hoped that, in time, the experience, though not the lesson gleaned from it, would be forgotten. After all, it might have been far worse.

Ludwig cracked a smile at the ghosts that rose from the "dead" to the last happy improv his masterpiece and returned to his home, Koopa Castle.

**THE END**


End file.
